


An Unfamiliar Feeling

by yoongtitty



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Self-indulgent fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 21:11:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11193510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoongtitty/pseuds/yoongtitty
Summary: Joshua is not a jealous person. So why does he feel like this?





	An Unfamiliar Feeling

Joshua Hong was not a jealous person. If anything, his friends seemed to tease him for being _too_ relaxed about things; like that time in junior high where _he_ was supposed to sing the solo in choir, but some kid in the grade below kicked up so much of a fuss that the auditor switched it around. Or when he was expected to win the subject award for English in senior year, but a kid who'd _just_ come into the class that year stole it from underneath him. Or when he was planning to ask one the girl he was kind of interested in at the time to prom, but one of his friends asked her first. He was mild-mannered, he'd always been.

So to be feeling something like _this_ was so foreign to him.

"You always said that Jeonghan was cool, but I didn't expect him to be _this_ cool," You breathed, sitting back on the couch. You had a massive grin from ear to ear, and your eyes were lit up in a way that Josh hadn't seen recently.   
"Yeah!" He smiled and nodded at you, trying to shift the uncomfortable weight in his chest. "I can’t believe it’s taken you guys so long to _finally_ meet.”   
“I’m so glad we finally have,” you sighed happily, running a hand through your hair. “You always seem to find the most interesting people.”

You and Joshua had known each other for _years_. You couldn't quite remember the exact time the two of you became friends, but you were hard-pressed to remember a time that he _hadn't_ been in your life. You'd graduated high school together, and you'd both moved to go to the same university. Ever since you'd met, you'd become constant staples in each other's lives. You'd thought to yourself _many_ times how empty your life would feel without him. He very much felt the same.

That’s why, when the initial feelings of discomfort had set in once he’d introduced you to Jeonghan, he palmed it off as just disliking the idea of things changing. They’d been the same way for a very long time, of course. He’d been content with that, for a day or two. He’d smiled and nodded when you first mentioned the two of you had been texting. He’d done a pretty good job of ignoring the uncomfortable weight on his chest. But, it had been a few weeks now, and every time you brought Jeonghan up, he felt himself tense up. It was getting more difficult to ignore it.

“I’m glad you two get along so well,” he lied.   
“Me too!” You beamed at him, nudging him with your shoulder.   
“See, what were you so worried about?”  
You shrugged, blushing ever so slightly. “I don’t know… I guess I just really wanted your cool friends to like me, you know?”  
Josh snorted. “Those guys? Cool?”  
“Shua, I know you like to say they’re massive dorks, but they look cool from the outside, okay?” You chuckled, giving him a light punch. “You know, they’re you’re cool new uni friends who are all aesthetic and have talent. I’m just some dork that you’ve known since high school, who’s just happy to be tagging along.”  
“Hey!” Josh whined, throwing an arm around you. “Don’t say that!”  
You laughed. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But still. They _look_ cool. I don’t. They automatically have an advantage.”

“Yeah, well, some people say I seem cool, and we both know how much of a mistake that is.”   
“Oh my God,” you giggled, covering your face. “Someone help those poor souls.”

“Oh, are you two… going somewhere together?” He frowned, rubbing the back of his neck.  
“Yeah,” you said, nodding vigorously. “We’re thinking of going to an art gallery? But I don’t really know if anything interesting is on at any local galleries… It’s not exactly an exciting time of the year.”   
“Yeah,” Joshua nodded, trying to ignore the ugly feeling in his stomach.

The two of you fell into an uncomfortable silence. You guys were usually happy to be quiet around one another, having one of those friendships where you could just relax around each other. The downside, however, was the fact that if the silence was awkward, it was _very_ obvious.  
“Hey, so…” You cleared your throat, checking your phone, “I have some stuff to finish for uni, so I better get going…”  
“Ah, okay,” Joshua nodded, quietly thankful for the reprieve from the tension.   
“I’ll see you soon, though, yeah?” You asked, tilting your head at him.   
“Yeah!” He agreed, nodding enthusiastically. “Are you free next… Wednesday?”  
“Yeah, I think so… Have something in mind?”  
“I thought we could go to that museum you like,” Joshua shrugged, trying to maintain eye contact with you.   
“Oh yeah!” Your enthusiasm seemed to wash away the awkwardness for a moment. “Yeah, I’ll make sure I’m free, okay?”   
Joshua almost sighed in relief. “Okay, good.”  
“See you then!”  
“Bye!”

Once he was sure you were gone, he crumpled into himself, shoulders sagging. He had to sort out whatever he was feeling, or everything was going to go wrong.

\----

“I’m so glad I finally have someone to appreciate art galleries with me,” Jeonghan remarked, taking a sip of his tea. “I tried to take Seungcheol, but I don’t really think it’s his thing. Y/N, on the other hand, was delightful.”    
Joshua managed to chuckle, looking down into his coffee cup. It wasn’t that he was upset that Jeonghan had taken such a liking to you; it was just that it felt so _strange_ to him. The way the two of you spoke made it seem like a relationship between the two of you may be viable in the future.   
“Are you seeing them again any time soon?”  
“Maybe,” Jeonghan shrugged. “It’s a bit difficult with schedules and what not. But I’d like to.”   
“Ah,” Josh nodded, checking his phone for the time. His phone background stared up at him, taunting him. It was a picture of the two of you, smiling like dorks while you held a puppy and he held a kitten. Joshua remembered that day; the two of you had gone back home for a day or two to meet up with your families, and one of your neighbors had recently adopted some new pets. The two of you had dashed over there to meet them, and you guys had spent the whole day trying to befriend them. Joshua couldn’t help but look at the smile on your face; you truly were beautiful when you smiled. He sighed and turned it off.   
“What’s the time?” Jeonghan asked.   
“Oh,” Joshua said. “I don’t know.”

Uncomfortable silences were becoming _too_ much of a staple in Joshua’s life.

"Hey, Jeonghan?" Josh swallowed, not meeting his friend's eye.   
"Yes?"  
"Are you… Are you interested in Y/N?" _Shit_ , Josh thought, _here we go_.   
Jeonghan creased his brow, peering at his friend closely. "Why?"  
"Just wondering."  
"And why are you just wondering?"  
"Well, ah… you know," Josh shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. "If two of my friends were about to start dating, I'd want to know about it, you know?"   
Jeonghan squinted at him. Joshua knew that look. It meant that Jeonghan was working things out. Worst of all, Josh knew that Jeonghan was always right. He was very discerning, and that was something that Joshua both admired and feared about his friend; if he was hiding something, Jeonghan would expose him in a second.

"You know, Joshua," Jeonghan began, interrupting Joshua's thoughts. "I always thought you were in love with Y/N, but now you just confirmed it."  
"Excuse me?" Joshua frowned, but he couldn't ignore the feeling of his heartbeat increasing.  
A sly smile broke across Jeonghan's lips. "You're obviously jealous."  
"No I'm not." Josh's attempts to sound self-assured were pathetic at best. The blush wasn't really helping his case.   
Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at him. "Well you're not usually the jealous type. The fact you're asking me about this at all is unusual."   
"Hey, hey," Joshua interrupted him, waving a hand. "I'm just concerned." He paused for a moment, thinking it over. "Yeah, I'm just concerned."   
Jeonghan chuckled, shaking his head. "You've been avoiding this for years, Joshua. How much longer are you going to keep denying it?"  
Joshua frowned. "What do you mean?"  
"You know, when I was first starting to get to know you, I thought you and Y/N were a couple?"  
Joshua's frown deepened. "Really?"  
"Totally," Jeonghan shrugged. "You talked about them _all_ the time. I didn't feel the need to ask them about it because it seemed like the most intuitive assumption. It was only when you started talking about that guy they were seeing at the time that I realised you weren't."  
"Oh yeah," Joshua grimaced at the mention of your ex, "he was a real piece of work."   
"You were very adamant at the time that, 'the two of them don't work together! He's the worst person for Y/N!' I don't think you realised how much you brought it up."  
"Ah," Joshua felt the blush spreading across his cheeks. "I did feel quite strongly about that, didn't I?”  
"Yes," Jeonghan nodded. "And that's because you're in love with them."  
Joshua shook his head. "Is it really a crime for a guy to express _platonic_ concern for his friend's relationship."  
"Absolutely not," Jeonghan sighed. "But think of it this way; Vernon expressed concern too, but did he mull over it constantly?”    
"I feel like there's a wrong answer to this."  
"And do you remember how, for prom, the girl you intended to ask wasn't available, so you ended up going with Y/N? And you said, at the time, that you were very glad about that?"   
“Yeah, but that was because it meant I could relax, you know? I didn’t have to worry about impressing anyone.”  
“You may say that, but you were the one obsessing over your hair for a month because, ‘what if Y/N doesn’t like it? What if they think my hair looks dumb?’ I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound very relaxed to me.”  
Joshua squirmed, biting his lip.   
Jeonghan let out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes. "Look, Joshua, you're head over heels for Y/N. Accept it. Grow a pair and ask them out."   
“But-”  
“No ‘but’s, Hong,” a small smirk tugged at Jeonghan’s lips. “You won’t know if they feel the same until you tell them.”   
Joshua let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t, Jeonghan.”  
“Why not?”  
“I just… can’t.”   
“You have no good reason not to.”  
“But what if…”  
“No, no, no,” Jeonghan shook his head vigorously. “None of this, ‘but what if it makes it awkward?’ or ‘but what if we never speak again?’ or any of that bullshit. You two have been friends forever, I don’t think this would ruin anything.”   
Joshua had no response. Jeonghan was right; you two had always taken time to understand each other, even when your immediate instincts had been to scream and shout. No matter what had happened, you’d always been open with one another. If anything, keeping quiet about this would been an insult to your friendship. You’d been together through _everything_ ; teenage angst, shitty exes, and the whole awkward process of moving from adolescence to adulthood. Surely a little crush wouldn’t ruin things, right?

\----

Joshua hated this uncertainty. He was usually pretty sure of how he felt; and, if he wasn't, he'd think about it for a little while and comfortably come to a conclusion. Usually, it was the one that worked out best for everyone. What Jeonghan had said had planted a very uncomfortable idea in his head; what if he _was_ in love with you? Everything Jeonghan had said made _sense_ , even if Josh didn't want to acknowledge it. Your ex _had_ rubbed him the wrong way more than he should have. He _was_ incredibly excited to take you to prom. Worst of all, he’d known all this for a while now. He’d just done his best to push it out of his mind. You’d been his friend for _years_. Was it weird that he had feelings for you now? But that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? It wasn’t a sudden thing. They’d been building up for years.

It had started soon after you’d met, when his heart rate increased a little whenever you smiled at him. When, a year after that, he couldn’t stop thinking back to when you’d fallen asleep with your head on his shoulder during a movie marathon. When, in senior year, seeing you date that asshole of a guy had made his heart ache more than he let on. When, at prom, he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you during the slow dance. When, once you’d graduated, he was deathly afraid that the two of you would stop talking and slowly fade from one another. He thought about that for a second. He remembered how genuinely elated he was when he found out the two of you would be going to the same university. The talks of the two of you flat-sharing after your first year had made him happier than he should’ve been. There’d been something about the thought of living domestically with you that had made him feel warm inside.

It wasn’t just a little crush. He was in love.

“Oh God,” Joshua groaned, covering his face. “I’m pathetic.”

He’d noticed the signs, he’d just elected to ignore it. But why? Of course, there was the whole ‘but I don’t want to ruin the friendship!’ argument that Josh was more than familiar with. Would you hate him for thinking like this? He’d been your friend for ages. He’d been the guy you’d cried to when your scummy ex dumped you. He’d been the guy who you shared all your secrets with, who’d seen you at your most unattractive, who you didn’t care about farting around. But he loved you. He loved all of that about you.

His phone buzzed. Picking it up, he saw your name glowing on the screen. He felt himself smile involuntarily. He always did whenever he got a text from you.

“ _Hey_!” The screen read. “ _Want to meet up for lunch? I’m bored out of my mind and I’ll do literally anything to get out of studying_.”   
“ _Sure! Where do you want to meet up?_ ” His response was an immediate confirmation.

_Oh my God_ , he thought to himself, _I’m in hell._

\----

“Why are you borrowing more books? Last I checked, you haven’t finished _any_ of the ones you’re currently reading.”  
You blushed. “I know, I know… I just… want more of them.”  
Joshua chuckled, giving you a warm eye smile. “You’re such a nerd.”

The two of you often visited the library after having lunch. Your favourite place to eat was a little Italian restaurant across the road, and, almost without fail, you’d drag him to look at books with you after you finished eating. You’d been surprised that Joshua had asked you to hang out today, especially since you two already had a date planned, but you weren’t ever going to turn down the opportunity to hang out with him. He was one of your closest friends, after all. You were just glad that he seemed more like his normal self since the last time you’d seen him. You just passed it off as a bad day.

You sighed, looking up at the shelves above you. According to the library computer, the book you were looking for was in this section, on the top shelf. Only problem was, it was out of your reach. With a hefty grunt, you pushed yourself onto your tiptoes, patting around. You hated being short, but those were the cards you’d been dealt.   
“You know, you could just ask me to get it,” Joshua chuckled fondly, watching your plight.   
“Yes,” you admitted, your voice strained as you stretched, “but I need to prove myself.”  
“How is this proving yourself?” He laughed.   
“It proves I’m… independent? I don’t know, it proves something.”  
“It proves that… you’re prideful?”   
“Wow. Hong’s on the offensive today.”  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he grinned, reaching over your head. “Here, let me help you.”  
You sighed, returning to your normal height. You could feel Joshua pressed against your back as he more successfully reached the top shelf. You tried not to think much of it. Joshua seemed to find success in two seconds, and you couldn’t help but envy the fact that he was taller than you.   
“Here you go, Y/N.” He said, handing the book out to you with a warm smile.

There were moments when how handsome he was just hit you in the face. When you were younger, you hadn’t thought of it much; he was just your awkward, gangly friend, who’d had a solid emo phase for just a little too long. You’d known him since middle school, and you’d just gotten so used to him that you’d just never noticed before. Well, there was that time in senior year when you got a bit of a crush on him, but you’d convinced yourself you’d brushed it off. He was your close friend, after all, and you didn’t want teenage hormones to ruin that.

The moment was ruined, however, when you realized he’d given you the wrong book.   
“Josh,” you snorted, “this is the wrong one.”  
Josh groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay,” you laughed, patting his back. “I already know you’re _lame_.”  
“Leave me alone,” he chuckled, nudging you with his elbow. “At least I’m tall enough to reach the shelf.”  
“How dare you bring my height into this?”  
Joshua grinned, patting you on the head. “I’m sorry, I forgot that it was a sensitive topic.”  
“I literally hate you.”  
“Then why do you keep me around?”  
“Because I can’t get rid of you.”   
Joshua gasped, placing a hand on his chest as if he was scandalized. “I thought we were friends.”  
“Nope, not at all,” you shook your head, letting out a dramatic sigh, “I just feel too bad to get rid of you.”

“What’s it about?” Josh frowned, bending slightly to look at the book.   
You let out a loud groan. “It’s _Romeo and Juliet_.”  
Joshua laughed, covering his mouth. “Oh, I’m so sorry!”  
“You know I hate this book,” you whined, hitting him lightly on the chest.   
“Oh, come on, it’s not _that_ bad!”  
“It makes me think about being sixteen. That’s not something I like being reminded of.”   
Joshua grinned, looking down at you. “What, you _don’t_ enjoy thinking about teenage angst and misguided crushes on seniors?”   
“Shua,” you groaned, punching him in the chest. “Do you want me to talk about your emo phase? Because that’s something I will most certainly go.”  
“Okay, okay,” he snorted, ruffling your hair. “I’ll shut up.”

“You’re starting,” you said, handing the book to him.   
“Ugh,” Joshua cringed, taking it off you.   
“See! You don’t want to do it!”  
“No, no, I double-dared you,” he sighed, scanning over the page. “Alright, here we go.” He took your hand gently, giving you a small eye smile. You tried to ignore the fluttering in your chest.  
“If I profane with my… unworthiest?” He frowned at the page. “Unworthiest? Shouldn’t it be unworthy?”  
“Are you questioning Shakespeare?”  
“Well I mean, he did just make words up. That’s something he’s known for doing.”   
“I wish I was allowed to just make words up and have people decide they’re legitimate,” you mused. “Imagine being that Iconic.”  
“I think being a literary genius _might_ have something to do with that.”  
“Are you saying I’m _not_ a literary genius?”   
“Have _you_ made up dozens of words now used in common vernacular?”  
“You’re a nerd,” you said blankly, giving him the most severe deadpan expression you could muster.   
“Hey, you’re the one who likes writing.”  
“I don’t use the word ‘vernacular’ in every day conversation.”  
“I don’t use it that often!” Joshua protested.  
“ _That_ often…”  
“Okay, I use it with you because _you’re_ a nerd. Like recognizes like.”   
“Just read the damn book, Hong.” **  
** “Okay, okay, I’ll start again,” Joshua grinned, clearing his throat. “If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready to stand, to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.” His voice grew more strangled with laughter as you shuffled closer to him, your head in your hands. “Ugh, okay,” you cringed, peering at the page. “Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this, for saints have hands that pilgrims’ hand do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss.” You managed to get it out through a wave of giggles and snorts. You were never much of an actor. You looked up at Joshua to urge him to continue on. He was looking at you, the fondness in his gaze catching you off guard. You were used to Joshua smiling at you, but this… this was different. It was almost like he was looking at you like you were the stars. ****  
You blushed, hoping it wasn’t too obvious. “Shua?”  
“Hm?”  
“It’s your line.”  
“Oh, right!” He scrambled, clearing his throat.  You hoped he didn’t see the blush deepening on your cheeks. “Have not saints lips,” he read out, his brow furrowed, “and holy palmers too?” He paused for a moment, tilting his head at the page. “Uh… Okay.” He shrugged, taking your hand in his gently.   
“A-ay, pilgrim,” you manage to cough out, not looking at him. “Lips, that they… must use in… prayer.” _Don’t think about kissing him, don’t think about kissing him,_ you thought to yourself, feeling your cheeks heat up, _Don’t do it, Y/N, it’s weird. He’s your friend, and you’re being a creep._  
“Oh, then, dear saint,” Joshua said quietly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “Let lips do what hands do. They prey; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.”  
“Saints do not move,” you read, looking up at Joshua, “though grant for prayers’ sake.”   
Joshua gazed into your eyes, a soft smile on his face as he leaned in. “Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.”

He was almost too beautiful to bear. His deep brown eyes held so much tenderness, such a capacity for love that it nearly frightened you. You didn’t meet many people like him, and you were grateful every day that you’d had the opportunity to be a part of his life. Despite everything, he chose to love people, to give everything he had to make others happy, and to do his best to bring a smile to their faces. You rarely saw souls that soft, and it made your heart ache to think you’d been blessed like this. He’d been there for you since you’d met, standing with you for years and always being the person you could run to. And he gave his time so selflessly, and he would always try to spin situations so you could learn something from them. Joshua Hong was, in a word, sincere. How could anyone not be in love with him?

Joshua pressed his lips against yours. Your heart flipped, suddenly taken out of the whirl of emotions it was in, and thrust into the realization that _Joshua Hong was kissing you_. The boy that you’d always been a little bit in love with – sometimes, more openly than others – who you constantly admired, was kissing you. Your brain couldn’t quite compute it. His lips were soft against yours, the kiss something like a question. It felt pure, like a genuine admission of fondness, a simple way for him to tell you how he truly felt. It was such a humble gesture, but you were already light-headed.

He leaned back, looking at you with a mix of emotions. You could tell he was trying to figure out what you were feeling; whether or not you liked it, whether you found it creepy, whether or not you hated him now. He was always so attentive to your feelings, always doing his best to make sure you were comfortable and happy. You could tell that your silence was scaring him. You felt bad for being so wrapped up in your own mind.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” his eyes widened, shuffling backwards. “I’m sorry…”  
“Joshua,” you interrupted him, taking a hold of your hand. He looked up at you, stress and regret in his eyes. You shuffled closer to him, leaning closer to him. “Wanna do that again?” You murmured.   
A massive grin broke across Joshua’s face. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback welcomed and appreciated! xx


End file.
